Why do we fall for the person that are not deserving of our love? You think that by being in one fucked up relationship that it will teach you the do’s and don’t of the next relationship but for some reason we become blind again to reality. As I overcome the trauma of one relationship, I found myself being sucked back into toxicity. Should I have taken a longer time to heal from my previous pains? Yes I should of because getting involved in another relationship when you are trying to heal from the wounds from the last just prolongs your healing. You start neglecting what’s needed for your pain and start doing quick, patch up jobs to bare the pain. This is not fair to you or the person you are trying to be with because ultimately in the end; someone is bound to get heart. In this scenario, I was the one that was hurt in the end. I thought he was my happily ever after but the fairy tale I was living was not what he was living. Our perception of marriage started distancing from one another and that love that we once felt for each other became more routine than factual. I thought that perhaps I could change him by showing him a better option- better outcome but the more we grew apart the more I realized that you can’t change a person that don’t see a need for change. Earlier today, I posted a quote: Love is not a noun to be defined but a verb to be acted on. I use to be dumb and naive by just simply accepting ‘I love you’ but as I grew and evolve into my true self, I realized that I needed more than the simple ‘I Love You’, I deserved more than ‘I Love You’, I wanted more than ‘I Love You’. You see people have a way of getting into your emotions and manipulating your feelings so that you have no other choice but to love them. When it turn into a competition of loving you or loving them more than that’s when it becomes a problem. The love you have for yourself should never be placed on the back burner for anyone including spouse. They should be working to love you twice as much as you love yourself and vice versus. My problem was that I continue to trust his words and not his actions. I thought, he tell me that he loves me so he mean it!!! No!!! A person can say that they love you and don’t mean it- hell probably don’t even know what Love is and the components of it. I know now that he did love me but not sufficient enough for me to keep holding on. If I am to evolve into this empowered, self-sufficient, confident, successful women than I need to let go of the one thing that is holding me back to do so. Does this mean I love him any less? No! It means I love me more. I use to ponder with the question could I love a person with my whole heart but not be with them? Now I know for sure that I can and I will because maybe I am the one thing that’s holding him back from reaching his full potential; maybe I’m keeping him from his meant to be. What I do know is that we are meant to not be.
Published by loveyourdamnself1st
For years I didn’t even like myself- let alone love myself. I had lost myself in a relationship for 7 years that mentally, emotionally and physically drained me. Love looked like anger to me. When I looked in the mirror all I saw was sadness, regret, hopelessness, guilt and loneliness. I was angry at myself for allowing a man to strip me down to nothing and then utter the words ‘I love you’. I always looked for love from the wrong people when all along I should of been looking for love within myself. Through therapy, reflection and guidance, I fell in love for the first time in my life- I fell in love with myself! Now I want to help others find the same love I found. Follow me on IG @iam_iwaas Facebook: Women At A Stand (WAAS) View all posts by loveyourdamnself1st