Love is something that I just will never understand. One minute it has you on cloud 9, the next your ready to pull every string of hair out your scalp. One minute, you can’t live without them; the next, you can’t get as far away as possible. No one ever warned me of the constant movement of love and all of its components. The ups and downs; the ins and outs; the pain and joy of it. It can be the most beautiful thing that you ever experienced or the most terrifying thing that you ever lived. Love is a mystery all within itself.
I often wonder, why isn’t there no rule book to this thing call love. I need a reference guide when shit get fuck up! If there was a manual on Love, I wonder what would be included. Love is something that can’t be explained and/or conceptualize. Love is complicated, frustrating, confusing but yet can be so amazing, electrifying, intoxicating and memorizing. Love is bipolar as fuck if you want to keep it real. I use to swear off love because I seen how crazy it made people. I vowed that I would never allowed myself to feel or act the way I saw people who was ‘in Love’ because I thought something so amazing shouldn’t hurt. As I go through the ups and downs of love, I realize that I am still learning.
If I would write a manual about Love, the first part would be ‘Enter with Caution’. You have to be alert when experiencing love and all of its components. People prey on the vulnerable and love makes you just that: vulnerable and weak. I’m not at all suggesting that love should be sweared off because and all actuality we need love in our lives but don’t be dumb in love. Dumb in love is when your just blind and oblivious to your partners true attention. Your expecting and needing one thing while your partner on the other hand is just looking for the next opportunity- the next come up. A lot of people say ‘I love you’ so freely as if it’s so freely to feel and it’s not. I never get how someone can meet a person and then a month later say they love that person. How can you love someone without even knowing them?
That bring me to what the second part would be on ‘Take Your Time with Love’. Why rush falling in love? I personally do not believe in love at first sight because I think it’s impossible to love someone that you don’t know. When I see people that rush so fast into love I begin to wonder what type of love do they even have for themselves? Why rush something that is bound to happen eventually if it’s meant to be? When people rush into a situation with one person, they could potentially be missing out on something special with someone else. Slowing down, getting to know the good and the bad before saying ‘I Love You’ is a guarantee way of not loving the wrong person and being burned in the end.
‘Choose the right person’ would be the next part of my manual. We spend all of our time and energy into that one person that could care less about us or our feelings. There are so many people out here that are opportunists. They seek out the individuals that appear lonely and desperate and they prey on their insecurities. Stop letting these vultures in that will misconstrued everything you thought love is and suppose to be. Choosing the right person to love is critical on the type of love that you will and should receive back.
The last part is the most critical part: ‘Find the love within’. So many times we search for love from others because we lack the love we should have for ourselves. Stop looking for love from people that just don’t have it! You can’t search for something that you don’t recognize. When you love yourself, you are able to tell and show the other person the type of love you demand. This part of love is the must beautiful experience that you can ever have.
I have been lucky enough to have been in love twice in my life thus far. The first time- I didn’t even know I was in love until he hurt me in a way that was unimaginable: he cheated. I don’t even think he knew he was in love until he cheated because than he knew he lost me for good. I always wondered why with that relationship, why I knew that his disrespect was a lack of love for me but my relationships thereafter, I accepted the disrespect. I knew at 16 years old that I loved myself more than anybody could ever love me. Somehow, along the way, love became an absolute within myself and I begin to allow people to just fuck me up even more. I needed a manual then as much as I need it now.
My second love, I was fortunate enough to marry. I never thought I could find someone that loves me as much as I do but I did. He admires me, respects me, adores me but frustrates the fuck out of me. I don’t ever doubt his love for me but his actions oftentimes don’t match that love. I can no longer rely on words, I need to be shown how much you love me. This is where I need the manual! I need someone to explain to me how you can love someone so deeply but at times feel lost. I need instructions on how to be patience with the person you love. I need to also learn how to be silence at times and listen to my partner.
I’m now at a better place in my life that I know what Love is and how it look. I love my spouse deeply but I will not tolerate half ass love anymore. I don’t slight myself on love so I damn sure will not be slighted by anyone else- including my husband. Love is so many emotions, wrapped up in one and often it’s hard to keep up with. If you know who you are and commit to loving yourself first and foremost, it will make falling and being in love a lot easier. Everyone deserve to be love ❤️