Who you Friends with?

Friends!- How many us have them?? Ones we can depend on???

Who remember Whodini’s song back in the 80’s called Friends. This word is loosely used in today’s society because must people don’t know what it means to be a friend let alone the significance of being a friend. Choosing a friend should be similar to choosing a mate. The same rigorous process we place our potential mates through when pursuing them is the same process we should put our potential friends through-why??? Because like a marriage/partnership/ courtship, a friendship suppose to last forever as well. Our friends are the ones that we share our deepest, intimate thoughts and secrets with- they are the ones that suppose to stick with us through thick and thin.

The older you get the more you start to appreciate and know the value of true friendship. In my twenties, I seem to always gravitate to people that gravitated to me and at a blink of a eye, we were friends. I was the type of person that will bend over backwards just to make sure you are okay (notice I used past tense) I never really questioned other people motives because I just thought that if a person called you their friend they most really care about you. Well, that was absolutely not true! I’ve learned that some people befriend you for their own benefit. They imposed themselves on your life just to see how much they can get from you until they mentally and emotionally drain you dry. Part of loving your damn self first is knowing what you are willing to tolerate and also knowing when to cut people the fuck off. I use to believe that you suppose to have a clique of friends if you want to be seen and known. I use to envy individuals that hade a shit load of friends that they hang out with, party with constantly. What I have learned from individuals that always surround themselves with a bunch of people is that they have a bunch of insecurities that they need to deal with. These individuals don’t truly know who they are and because of that they surround themselves with individuals that they want to be like.

On my journey of loving my damn self first, I had come to realize that some of my ‘friends’ had to go. It not because I didn’t love them any less it was because I loved myself more. Some of these individuals thrived off of my misery. When I was going through the trauma of my domestic relationship, they were there- consoling me, advising me, being supportive or so I thought. When I finally let go of the pain, the hurt, the man and started focusing on me- they couldn’t of disappeared fast enough. This might sound crazy but a lot of people do not want to be friends with strong individuals because I guess it make them start looking at their own weaknesses. It’s okay to have weaknesses as long as you can admit to these weaknesses and embrace them as you do your strengths. I begin to realize that I no longer want to be friends with people that wear a mask constantly- who are afraid to just be themselves.

I have set strict standards for who I allow to be my friend. I no longer befriend individuals that are selfish, self centered, untrustworthy and not loyal. I expect the same energy I give back in return. Knowing what type of people you want in your circle is the best thing that you could do for yourself. Also knowing the people that no longer need to be in your circle is also a win-win for you. I have no problem telling a ‘friend’- you are draining me and I no longer need you in my life. For your own growth, sometimes this is very necessary. So if you want to continue on this amazing path of loving your damn self first, evaluate the people that are taking up unnecessary space in your life, who are not for you but against you, that don’t contribute to your growth and is constantly hindering yours. It’s time to let go and make room for the people that are meant to be in your life.

I would like to say a special thank you to two of my closest girlfriends that have been my rock no matter. It’s true what they say that it’s not the length of time that determine a friendship but the amount of times that person is there for you.

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