We often lose the very being of ‘self’ when involved in any type of relationship- being intimate, friendship, partnership- any type of union. Most of us don’t realize it but we change into the person ‘they’ want us to be and at the same time lose the concept of who we use to be. For this very reason we find ourselves ‘fucking’ ourselves because we are depriving ourselves of our own happiness. So how do we get back to loving our damn self first? Here are a few of my tips on how to accomplish this simple but very necessary task.
1) Let the fuck Go!
Toxicity is poisonous to your soul. Why would you want to keep anyone in your space that is simply killing ‘you’ internally? It’s time to let go of the pain, sorrow, disappointment, lies, upsets that keep consuming you. You should never give anyone that satisfaction of fucking you up so badly that you don’t even recognize yourself anymore. Once you don’t recognize yourself anymore/ the love you have for yourself is gone.
2) Spoil your damn self
When is the last time you took yourself out to dinner; a movie? Had a long, relaxing, bubble bath alone? A spa day? Booked a hotel room to just relax in for a night? Go on a shopping spree for yourself? Take a vacation, alone? How about a long walk to gather your thoughts? If you have not done any of these things at least once in your life- your not living. How can you expect for anyone to treat you like royalty if your not even treating yourself like one? How can you expect someone to know what you want when you don’t even know what you want? Knowing what you want and being able to give yourself what you want is the best thing you can do for yourself. When you are confident about your needs/ nobody can’t tell you a damn thing about your happiness.
3) Self care should be your top priority
You know that saying: ‘You can’t pour from an empty cup’. Every once in a while we need to pause and hit the reset button. We often be running around on empty fuel and don’t realize it until our bodies just shut down unexpectedly. We have to fall in love with taking care of ourselves first before taking on the task of taking care of others. Your mental health is so crucial to your well-being so protect it by any means necessary. So relax by taking that walk, exercising, yoga, meditation, praying, journaling. Make sure you eat your 3 balanced meals a day and stay hydrated. Make sure you are getting accurate amounts of sleep. Learn how to just say ‘no’ when things are becoming overwhelming or simply just ask for a helping hand. There’s nothing selfish about putting ‘you’ first.
4) Have a relationship with your damn self first
I often see people come out of one serious relationship and be in another relationship the very next day. Did you even sit and think about what just occurred? What happened to having that alone time to get yourself together? Why are we so quick to accept love from others before showing ourselves that same love? There is nothing wrong with being alone! Some of y’all need that alone time because y’all don’t even recognize who you are anymore without being attached to someone and that scares the hell out of you. Dating yourself means learning about yourself. You know all of them intense questions you ask on your first date like: What are you looking for in a relationship? What are your interests? Where do you see yourself in 5-10 years? What does a typical day look like for you? What vacations do you like to take? What were you like as a kid? What do you do for a living? Why are you single? What do you want out of life?- try asking yourself these questions first. Your be surprise about what you learn about yourself and it might even open your eyes to new possibilities. Dating yourself means that you are free to do whatever the hell you want. If you always wanting to scuba dive, damnit you can do it! If you ever wanted to climb Mount Everest- do it!! Dating yourself allow you to open yourself up to things that you never thought you would do so find your passion and live!
5) Learn about yourself intimately
Masturbation is key! Masturbation is important if you want a happy and healthy sex life. Learning every inch of your body is the best way to increase your sexual awareness and become in tune with your sexuality. Masturbation is good for your health, teaches you about your body and feel so damn good. Being sexual aware of your body not only bring on the best organisms but it teaches you what you like and don’t like when it comes to pleasure so that the next relationship you become involved in- you will have no problems taking the reins in the sexual department.
6) Your past is just that ‘your past’
Our past have a horrible way of sneaking up on us at the worst time. We thought we let go but it still hunts us. This ‘past’ prevents us from loving ourselves because we’re too busy either blaming ourselves or feeling sorry for ourselves. Life experiences that we encounter should be a blessing not a hindrance/ good and bad. Take those experiences and learn from them and leave it in your past. You are not to blame, it was not your fault- it was just a lap in judgement and now it’s over. Once you come to grip with this- your life will begin to chance drastically. I know it’s easier said than done but it can be done. Sometimes it can’t be done on its own so soliciting outside assistance such as a therapist, psychologist and/or life coach is never a bad idea. Forgiving yourself for your past mistakes is great for your self-worth.
7) Find your spiritual being
We all believe in some type of higher being so find it and hold on to it. In order to expand on the love that you had found for yourself, now it’s time to add on some spiritual element. Spirituality brings on this higher level of peace and content with yourself. Things that once rattle your soul, no longer define you. You become more humble, a better listener and more empathetic.
I hope that my tips help you in the journey of loving your damn self first. Loving yourself will bring you the happiness and joy that you have been searching for in others. Once you fall in love with yourself/ you will find it easier to fall in love with others. Remember ‘you’ are your number 1 priority! Stay tune for my first published book ‘Love Your Damn Self First’ coming in 2019.