It’s one thing to have your whole sense of self stripped from you by a person who sole purpose was to destroy your very well being- to have you not loving yourself, let alone another human being. So how do you find love in someone else again? How do you even trust your heart with another person after it have been stomped on and crush in a hundred million pieces?
I will be the first to tell you that it is not easy- in fact it is one of the most horrifying experience that you will ever have to go through. Being in love suppose to be amazing, electrifying, enjoyable, exciting, overwhelming- a feeling you just don’t want to ever let go of. Some of us never had experience it before so we don’t know what to look for. Some of us forgot what love even feel like. So do this mean we just disregard the whole idea of love all together? Should we cheat ourselves of ever loving someone wholeheartedly and having that love reciprocated back to us? I use to think that way- I use to believe that I would never find anyone to love me the way that I deserve to be love. But that was not true- the love that I needed was staring me right in my face the entire time. That love that I was desperately yearning for, I turned a blind eye too. I ignored the advances and I was completely turned off. I didn’t at all find this person attractive or intriguing to say the least. The very thought of spending time with them made me sick. I didn’t trust this person at all and was terrified about getting to know them. But one day- I stared in the mirror and saw ‘her’ for the first time in a long time and suddenly the overwhelming, electrifying, amazing feeling just overcame me.
See- we look for love in all the wrong places; wrong people; wrong things- when really the love you need starts within. I could not possibly opened myself up to another human being until I found the love within that I was desperately yearning for. How could I possibly be in love with anyone when I was not in love with myself? How could I expected anyone to love me if I was not showing myself the love I deserve? Once I started seeing me for me; I started loving me for me. I started realizing the bullshit that I would no longer tolerate and begin to let go of all the hurt and anger that has built up for years. I had to do this because I had little ones that were depending on my very existence. Am I going to sit here and lie to you and say that I am 100% better and that everything is just so peachy in my world- no! Everyday is a learning process- I even doubt myself, become angry at times, disappointed; even don’t like myself at times but that love- that undesirable love within never wavers. So- is love after abuse even possible? It must certainly is- just search within and be open to the idea.