Finding Myself

Its crazy how you can go through life and not even know who you are. I thought I knew who I was, who I wanted to be out of life, what I wanted to do, who I wanted to spend the rest of my life with- but I didn’t. Everything I thought I knew was a fabrication of my life dictated by men that I thought loved me. When a person commits to a relationship we often find ourselves becoming lost in it- we loss our identity to satisfy our partners. We become who they want us to become and we don’t even realize the change. I knew I was not happy with myself when I looked in a mirror one day and didn’t even recognized who I was looking at. This made me sad, angry, confused, alone- how could I allowed myself to get to this point. I knew right then and there- something has to changed, so I sought out professional help. People are so uptight about seeing a mental health professional- afraid to be label ‘crazy’ but this is not what seeing a therapist means. They are put in place to help us ‘figure shit out’. I was lost- completely drowning and I did not know where to begin but my therapist did know. Finding yourself means knowing who you were from the very beginning. I was lied to about my beginning again by a man (my father) who I thought loved me. He had me believing my whole life that my mother left me because she didn’t love me. I begin to seek clarity and it started with my very existence- my mother. The past hurt but it is also where the healing process begin. We can not expect to move on without addressing the past- the good and the bad. The moment I begin the healing process with my mother was the beginning I started seeing who I was and I liked what I saw- hell I fell in loved with her ‘me’. My message for anyone out there in search of ‘self”- start from the beginning. Figure out the time when you lost yourself because that is the only way you can begin this journey of finding yourself again.

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