Its crazy how you can go through life and not even know who you are. I thought I knew who I was, who I wanted to be out of life, what I wanted to do, who I wanted to spend the rest of my life with- but I didn’t. Everything I thought I knew was a fabrication of my life dictated by men that I thought loved me. When a person commits to a relationship we often find ourselves becoming lost in it- we loss our identity to satisfy our partners. We become who they want us to become and we don’t even realize the change. I knew I was not happy with myself when I looked in a mirror one day and didn’t even recognized who I was looking at. This made me sad, angry, confused, alone- how could I allowed myself to get to this point. I knew right then and there- something has to changed, so I sought out professional help. People are so uptight about seeing a mental health professional- afraid to be label ‘crazy’ but this is not what seeing a therapist means. They are put in place to help us ‘figure shit out’. I was lost- completely drowning and I did not know where to begin but my therapist did know. Finding yourself means knowing who you were from the very beginning. I was lied to about my beginning again by a man (my father) who I thought loved me. He had me believing my whole life that my mother left me because she didn’t love me. I begin to seek clarity and it started with my very existence- my mother. The past hurt but it is also where the healing process begin. We can not expect to move on without addressing the past- the good and the bad. The moment I begin the healing process with my mother was the beginning I started seeing who I was and I liked what I saw- hell I fell in loved with her ‘me’. My message for anyone out there in search of ‘self”- start from the beginning. Figure out the time when you lost yourself because that is the only way you can begin this journey of finding yourself again.
Published by loveyourdamnself1st
For years I didn’t even like myself- let alone love myself. I had lost myself in a relationship for 7 years that mentally, emotionally and physically drained me. Love looked like anger to me. When I looked in the mirror all I saw was sadness, regret, hopelessness, guilt and loneliness. I was angry at myself for allowing a man to strip me down to nothing and then utter the words ‘I love you’. I always looked for love from the wrong people when all along I should of been looking for love within myself. Through therapy, reflection and guidance, I fell in love for the first time in my life- I fell in love with myself! Now I want to help others find the same love I found. Follow me on IG @iam_iwaas Facebook: Women At A Stand (WAAS) View all posts by loveyourdamnself1st